Deep
The depths of the darkness
Night
I wait for the dawn
Trust
I walk through the shadows
Blindly
Following your footsteps
Steady
My hand is in Yours
You
Forever are with me
I know
I am never alone.
3.01.2007
I reach to the top and gasp for air
To give me life from death
Alone I swim toward the surface
As I strain for my first breath.
I reach out toward the table
For the food that gives me life
Your words, the Bread of Heaven
Forever fleeing from my sight.
The one who drinks this water
Need never thirst again
So I come to You to quench my thirst
To drown away my sin.
Alone, the night is closing
Crushed down in darkest depths
I beg You to bring the morning
As I strain for each last breath.
To give me life from death
Alone I swim toward the surface
As I strain for my first breath.
I reach out toward the table
For the food that gives me life
Your words, the Bread of Heaven
Forever fleeing from my sight.
The one who drinks this water
Need never thirst again
So I come to You to quench my thirst
To drown away my sin.
Alone, the night is closing
Crushed down in darkest depths
I beg You to bring the morning
As I strain for each last breath.
A study in the art of heartbreak & the beauty of pain
.The utter desperate beauty of tears.
.The tragic art of heartbreak.
.The hopeless romance of pain.
----------------------------------------------
All those plans she chose to make
All the chances she chose to take
Had it planned out oh-so-right
All were ruined in just one night
She’s so angry she could weep
So she cries herself to sleep
She’s been let down once again
By another so called friend
It’s like her usual un-perfect world
Has caved the whole way in
Look at it any way you like
There ain’t no way it’ll turn out right
So she cries herself to sleep
She’s been let down once again
By another so called friend
It’s like her usual un-perfect world
Has caved the whole way in
Look at it any way you like
There ain’t no way it’ll turn out right
Some kids fall asleep with dreams so sweet
...
Others fall asleep with tears
Others fall asleep with tears
---------------------------------------------------
empty
broken
lost
afraid
a lonely soul makes it’s lonely way
searching
searching
ever searching
looking for truth
seeking for hope
scouring the world to find peace
one lone spirit in this big empty world
one soul crying in the night
one heart looking for the only way
a little girl searching for light
blackness that burns
surrounding
terror unknown
lies in wait
hidden, under the covers
she fears
in her eyes squeezed tightly
tears
she’s a tortured soul
she’s searching for peace
a chance to escape from the night
guide her
lead her
take her by the hand
show her she can trust you
let her know she can!
guide her
lead her
bring her some peace
she’s a little girl who’s scared
a little girl in the night
a tortured soul
searching for light.
---------------------------------------------
i’m in a deep darkness
and i’m dreaming of you
in my darkness i’m
waiting
hoping
praying
looking
for your light to shine through
my waking dreams
my heartsick tears
my loneliness grows
as the light disappears
your healing touch
your consoling eyes
out of reach of
my waking insomniant cries
as i lie alone
in this place of fears
i look to you
to dry my tears
your soothing touch
your comforting eyes
all out of reach of
my waking insomniant cries
sleepless
restless
comfortless
i look for your love
to free me from this:
my pain filled dream
my nightmare alive
in the wide awake terror
of my semi-conscious mind
because I spend my life to wait for you
with pain inside my soul
your existence is still too far away
from this midnight black as coal
-----------------------------------
do you understand?
.The pain.
.The hopelessness.
.The reality.
9.09.2006
Art {in lyricless form}
****************************************************************
Names.
carved in the tree.
Spray painted in green.
And blue.
On ally brick.
Existence measured.
{Proved by the superficial?}
Are they real? They need proof.
Ellie was here.black.
Spray painted.
Graffiti.
Existence.
Proof.
More than marks on a tree?
Ally brick?
Proof that you are real?
Do you exist?
Do you matter?
Who cares where Ellie was?
All that matters is that Ellie WAS.
The all consuming desire
Of every heart
Or only mine?
Thoughts
So empty
D r i f t i n g
F r o m o n e t o t h e n e x t in a random
and chaotic order untilitallblendstogetherintoameaninglessjumbleof
A I M L E S S W O R D S.
thoughts on paper.
Captured.
Forever.
What is accomplished?
Names.
carved in the tree.
Spray painted in green.
And blue.
On ally brick.
Existence measured.
{Proved by the superficial?}
Are they real? They need proof.
Ellie was here.black.
Spray painted.
Graffiti.
Existence.
Proof.
More than marks on a tree?
Ally brick?
Proof that you are real?
Do you exist?
Do you matter?
Who cares where Ellie was?
All that matters is that Ellie WAS.
The all consuming desire
Of every heart
Or only mine?
Thoughts
So empty
D r i f t i n g
F r o m o n e t o t h e n e x t in a random
and chaotic order untilitallblendstogetherintoameaninglessjumbleof
A I M L E S S W O R D S.
thoughts on paper.
Captured.
Forever.
What is accomplished?
7.10.2006
[sand]Castles In The Air
is this where it’ll end
with wishing never to dream again?
‘cause it all falls down
and the walls can’t stand.
foundation -- shaky.
workmanship -- dull.
floor -- filled with holes.
into each of them I fall.
unending repairs
it’s forever ‘do-again’
when’s it gonna end, huh?
will I ever understand?
am I gonna learn my lesson
will there be an end to all the falls?
will I be here come forever
staring still at my blank walls?
it’s the house that I built
it's my castle in the air
but I can’t help wonderin’
is it really there?
man, it’s sure a fixer-upper
is it worth what it’ll cost?
am I gonna give up all
just to gain back what I’ve lost?
it’s the house that I built
every stone place by my hand
is it my dream-castle in the air,
or is my castle made of sand?
with wishing never to dream again?
‘cause it all falls down
and the walls can’t stand.
foundation -- shaky.
workmanship -- dull.
floor -- filled with holes.
into each of them I fall.
unending repairs
it’s forever ‘do-again’
when’s it gonna end, huh?
will I ever understand?
am I gonna learn my lesson
will there be an end to all the falls?
will I be here come forever
staring still at my blank walls?
it’s the house that I built
it's my castle in the air
but I can’t help wonderin’
is it really there?
man, it’s sure a fixer-upper
is it worth what it’ll cost?
am I gonna give up all
just to gain back what I’ve lost?
it’s the house that I built
every stone place by my hand
is it my dream-castle in the air,
or is my castle made of sand?
6.13.2006
Delusions of grandeur...
Remember being a kid and loving to do things that you thought would make people think you were an adult? Maybe you don’t. But I do! I remember carrying the car keys. I would flash them for the world to see, swing them and jingle them in my 5 year old hands thinking “Everybody probably thinks I’m a big 16-year-old that can drive!” (16 was, of course, the very best age I ever aspired to reaching!) Ah yes. That was probably why they smiled at me like that.
I remember being 7 and walking my little brother down the block and across the street to our friends’ house. The big people in the cars would smile and wave at us. “I bet they think I’m his mom,” I would ponder, “or maybe his babysitter.”
Babysitters, by my reckoning, were about the coolest & most sophisticated people on earth. Imagine getting paid to watch kids like me and my siblings! What could be more fun!? (Lol. Ah yes, in my child-like mind I was pretty hot stuff!) Not, of course, that we NEEDED a babysitter. I mean, we were some pretty big kids! Ok, so I couldn’t actually reach the microwave and wasn’t strong enough to drag the high-chair over…obviously the babysitter was there so that we wouldn’t die from lack of popcorn.
And now…I’ve past that wonderful age of sixteen and am nearing the official “adulthood” number. Oh, it’s sad to know that I can never go back. But…I’ve got new aspirations & new delusions of grandeur. Life just keeps getting better, and the memories are worth every moment.
I remember being 7 and walking my little brother down the block and across the street to our friends’ house. The big people in the cars would smile and wave at us. “I bet they think I’m his mom,” I would ponder, “or maybe his babysitter.”
Babysitters, by my reckoning, were about the coolest & most sophisticated people on earth. Imagine getting paid to watch kids like me and my siblings! What could be more fun!? (Lol. Ah yes, in my child-like mind I was pretty hot stuff!) Not, of course, that we NEEDED a babysitter. I mean, we were some pretty big kids! Ok, so I couldn’t actually reach the microwave and wasn’t strong enough to drag the high-chair over…obviously the babysitter was there so that we wouldn’t die from lack of popcorn.
And now…I’ve past that wonderful age of sixteen and am nearing the official “adulthood” number. Oh, it’s sad to know that I can never go back. But…I’ve got new aspirations & new delusions of grandeur. Life just keeps getting better, and the memories are worth every moment.
6.12.2006
Beauty
She Walks In Beauty
She walks in beauty, like the night
Of cloudless climes and starry skies;
And all that's best of dark and bright
Meet in her aspect and her eyes:
Thus mellow'd to that tender light
Which heaven to gaudy day denies.
One shade more, one ray less,
Had half impair'd the nameless grace
Which waves in every raven tress,
Or softly lightens o'er her face;
Where thoughts serenely sweet express
How pure, how dear their dwelling place.
And on that cheek, and o'er that brow
So soft, so calm, yet eloquent,
The smiles that win, the tints that glow,
But tell of days in goodness spent,
A mind at peace with all below,
A heart whose love is innocent!
Lord Byron (1788-1824)
She walks in beauty, like the night
Of cloudless climes and starry skies;
And all that's best of dark and bright
Meet in her aspect and her eyes:
Thus mellow'd to that tender light
Which heaven to gaudy day denies.
One shade more, one ray less,
Had half impair'd the nameless grace
Which waves in every raven tress,
Or softly lightens o'er her face;
Where thoughts serenely sweet express
How pure, how dear their dwelling place.
And on that cheek, and o'er that brow
So soft, so calm, yet eloquent,
The smiles that win, the tints that glow,
But tell of days in goodness spent,
A mind at peace with all below,
A heart whose love is innocent!
Lord Byron (1788-1824)
